Airports are nothing but big fucking bombs now

In the UK you are not currently allowed to bring carry-ons onto a plane. You are permitted a clear plastic shopping bag that my contain only the following personal effects:

- a few tampons.

- glasses, but no case

- contact lens case, but no solution. (no liquids)

- your wallet.

NOTHING else is currently permitted. This includes: ipods, cd players, MAGAZINES, and BOOKS! I would like to go on record right now as saying that I place reading on international flights above national security. PERIOD. You can strip search me if you want. You can read the entire goddamn thing first to make sure it's safe and that none of the words in there are going to kill the pilot, but I am taking my book on the plane.

The point is that the geniuses in charge of our “National Security” are as bull-headed, reactionary, and stupid as the supposed terrorists. Case in point, the brilliant solution to the potentially explosive liquid problem in US airports is to have everyone dump whatever they have into big bins right in the middle of the airports. Did all these idiots spend their high-school chemistry classes ingesting mercury? They have successfully created a new terrorist threat right in our midst. There are certain liquid chemicals that react rather violently when mixed togethe, and, if not explosive, can certainly give off some pretty gnarly toxic emissions. We're being put at more risk through our “security” measures than ever before. Thanks but no thanks for the help, guys.

I also read that some poor guy was barred from boarding a plane in Fresno because he was “gellin.” Yes, because his insoles had gel in them, he was a potential terrorist threat, and therefore denied entry to a plane. Good work gang! I for one don't want to see any of you resting until we are no longer allowed to do anything that might occur to potential terrorists. Here's a list of possible things we shouldn't be allowed to do:

- First of all, those clear plastic shopping bags have got to go; they could be used to asphyxiate the pilot.

- Those tampons could be jammed down someone's throat resulting in choking or death.

- Glasses can be used to harness the sun's power like a magnifying glass and start dangerous terror-causing fires. I've seen it happen people.

- Hands and feet should also not be permitted onboard aircraft at any time; they can be used for all sorts of terrorist activities: walking, typing, turning pages of your BOOKS!

If I can clear security, I would like to catch a return flight to the issue I started with: I'd wager that a plane full of 300 people who have been sitting around, doing nothing but looking at their glasses and twiddling their tampons for 8 and a half hours straight is about 30 times more volatile than a shampoo bottle full of sodium benzoate and potassium nitrate… but maybe not as dangerous as a large bin full of it in the middle of an airport.

{note: you may notice that the previous rant isn't particularly timely, that's because it was originally published at rotovator.net when it made more sense to write about something like this.}