The Afternoon Drawing

I have absolutely no desire to return to an earlier point in my life or time. I do, however, wish that I could return to earlier states of mind. I find that, above all else, the mind changes. The world stays the same, but you are always different. I miss some of the past versions of myself despite the feeling that I am on the whole an improved being.

I wish that I could spend the afternoon drawing still. I wish that I could still envision scenes in my head, and I wish that transcribing them was not hindered by the skill that I have accumulated and calcified in my lifetime thus far. I wish that I had not seen as many movies as I have, and I wish that I had not heard as many sounds. I wish that I had read more books, but I want to know less. I wish that I could still be scared, and I wish that I cared as much as I once did. I'm happy to be rid of the horrors of socialization, and I'm happy to be who I am and where I am, but I still wish I could spend the afternoon drawing.

Maybe one of me will get to be all of these things again.